The Death of a Lawnmower

  Look at this cute little guy. Anyone know what it is? I had no idea until I was at my local lawn and garden/anything else you could possibly want including milk and a drill press center and a guy browsing in the gas powered machine section mentioned it. Any guess yet? It's a lawn mower - a robotic lawn mower; sort of a Roomba for the dad who has everything crowd. I wasn't born yesterday, or even in this century, so I wasn't willing to take him at his word. I consulted with Dr. Google, and sure enough there it was on Amazon of course. Who else would be selling a robotic lawn mower?

   What was I doing in the gas powered machinery section of the garden center early on a Saturday morning on a holiday weekend, you might ask. Generally that time of the morning on a Saturday I am prying one eye open and trying to figure out which button on the Krups is the "on" switch which I sometimes confuse with the "clean" button at that hour. Waiting on the coffeemaker to brew a pot using the "clean" cycle will send you over the edge, but I digress. There I was with my friend who has the mega SUV that will haul furniture and other assorted large objects, because my cute German car is just that - cute. And red, did I mention it's red? So my friend with the practical car and I are starring at the assortment of lawn mowers trying to determine which one was best.

  I came to be there due to the fact that the lawn mower I purchased three and one half years ago had just bit the big wally, gone out in a blast of choking smoke. It was a dramatic end. I called the mower repair guy on the off chance that it just needed a new spark plug, but he confirmed that it was dead, dead, dead. If I wanted to consider resurrection, it was going to cost $282.59 and even then he couldn't guarantee I would get another summer out of it - not to mention fall with all the attendant leaf mulching.

  So here's the thing, the mower I had previous to the newly deceased machine, I owned for fourteen years. It was a Sears Craftsman, back when those two names meant something - the time prior to Steve Mnuchin being appointed to the Board of Directors at Sears and using it for a cash cow until that iconic company starved to death. (I once even owned a Sears Kit house, which tells you everything you need to know about Sears.) But back to my story. I had purchased that machine for $300 and some odd bucks and every year after the mowing was done, it went to be serviced - which is why it lasted fourteen years. When it finally quite running, I did the accounting. I had paid $1400 over those years to keep a $300 machine in working order, when I would have broken even on it in three years had I done nothing. That made no economic sense, so when I bought its successor, that's what I did - nothing - though my brother did give it an oil change from time to time. So while I wasn't happy with the latest machine expiring, I had reached the break- even point and it was time to buy again. This was hard for me - I was brought up to take care of my machines and they will last. Alas, consumerism has moved on. Even lawn mowers are now as disposable as paper cups.

  So there we were reviewing the machines available. I wanted two features. 1) Mulching ability as I have no intention of raking up grass clippings or leaves. Nor do I have yard waste pick-up service which a whole other irritant that I have been pestering my local government about, and not in a nice way. But that is another topic for another day. 2) It needed to be self propelled. At my ripe old age, I am not into machines that I have to push for real. I can convince myself that mowing is good exercise, only as long as I am not providing the propulsion. What I didn't know is there are two kinds of self propelled lawn mowers, front wheel and rear wheel.

  I chose a Lawnboy machine this time. My friend said she had heard they made decent mowers. I liked it because 1) the price was right, but 2) mostly because it's lime green. As you might have noted, the color of my machinery is a highly motivating feature.  We got the Lawnboy home, assembled it and then it was time to take that bad boy out for a spin. I checked to be sure it had oil because there was this one time when I didn't. And I want you to know, I learn from my mistakes. I filled it up with gas from a new gas can which I cursed out in the most unrepeatable terms because it resisted all attempts to open until I beat it with a hammer and replaced the top with the top from my old gas can, and I was ready!

  It has a pull start but fired off on the first pull. It also has rear wheel drive. All my other machines were front wheel drive. You wouldn't think that would be a big deal would you? I engaged the self propel lever and my lawn mower is flying down the lawn with me chasing after it. Where I had been used to the more sedate pace of the front propelled ladies saddle horse mowers, this one is a bucking broncho of a mower racing along at it's own pace with me hanging onto the handle, galloping along behind trying to keep up. I will also mention it doesn't corner well either. So my front yard resembles a really bad hair cut.  Picture a three year old with a scissors. And why I want to know, aren't test drives available?

  Hopefully I will adapt, otherwise it's going to be a long three years until this one meets its inevitable end. Meanwhile I am wondering about the Roomba mower, or maybe no mowing at all. There's a lady up the way who hasn't mowed in years. Her neighbors got together and tried to make her mow. She lives inside the city limits and there is a grass height ordinance. Yeah, I know, it's amazing what people think they need to legislate. But she had her day in court and beat the neighbors.  Or maybe she doesn't do court orders -which seems to be in vogue lately. You can't even see her house anymore the grass is so high. Nothing a couple of goats couldn't take care of, but the neighbors might not like that either.  I live outside the city limits and my subdivision had no grass heights ordinances. Natural is good right? And I am partial to goats.

And what does it mean when they say,"Changing the oil is not required?"